Assembling the panel_
🎯 Accelerator
🌐 Mega-Fund
🏢 Enterprise
🔌 Corporate
🎙️ Media
🧮 Burn
🔬 Deep Tech
⚖️ Compliance
🌏 Global
💀 Post-Mortem
👁️ People
Early access spots 999 remaining
ROAST
AI investor panel · No mercy · Free to try

Find out why.
Before
they do.

The average founder spends 60 hours on a deck that gets rejected in 3 minutes. $4.99 tells you exactly why — before you waste the 60 hours.

60hrs avg. deck prep time
3min VC attention span
98.5% YC rejection rate
reviews left today
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Drop your IR deck here

PDF or PowerPoint · Max 20MB · 1 free roast

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Choose 3 panelists · tap to select

3/3 panelists selected

"Your TAM is fictional" "Why would anyone switch?" "This isn't a moat, it's a puddle" "Who are your paying customers?" "Slide 7 contradicts slide 12" "The unit economics don't work" "60 hours of prep. 3 minutes of attention." "98.5% of YC applicants get rejected" "Your TAM is fictional" "Why would anyone switch?" "This isn't a moat, it's a puddle" "Who are your paying customers?" "Slide 7 contradicts slide 12" "The unit economics don't work" "60 hours of prep. 3 minutes of attention." "98.5% of YC applicants get rejected"
Round 1 · Initial Reactions
The process

Three rounds.
No filter.

📤

Upload your deck

PDF or PowerPoint. We parse every slide — financials, market claims, team bios, everything.

🗣️

Panel reviews

Three AI personas with distinct viewpoints tear your deck apart simultaneously.

📊

Score + verdict

Fundability score, biggest weaknesses, shareable card. Fix it before the real meeting.

The panel

Who's judging you.

🎯

THE ACCELERATOR

Elite Startup Accelerator · Batch Reviewer

Reviewed 6,000+ applications. Advised 35+ unicorns. Sub-1% acceptance rate. Has seen every pattern of failure — the feature dressed as a company, the demo without retention.

"Your best customer — what would they do if you disappeared tomorrow? If the answer isn't 'panic,' you don't have PMF."
🌐

THE TECHNO-OPTIMIST

Mega-Fund GP · Platform Visionary

$90B+ AUM. 120+ unicorns backed. Pioneered the commercial web. Doesn't back "a better X" — backs the thing that makes X irrelevant.

"What does this company look like when AI costs approach zero and every enterprise has their own model?"
🏢

THE ENTERPRISE ORACLE

B2B Accelerator MD · Enterprise Sales Expert

Stanford professor. Early bet turned into a $970M exit. Enterprise-only for 12+ years. Socratic by nature — asks the question that breaks your pitch.

"Which budget does this come out of, who owns that budget, and what happens to their Q4 bonus if your product fails?"
🔌

THE MATCHMAKER

Global Innovation Platform · 2000+ Investments

2,000+ investments. 30+ unicorn exits. 550+ Fortune 500 corporate partners across 50+ global locations. The ultimate corporate-startup connector.

"Which of my 540 corporate partners needs what you're building? Who do I call this week?"
🎙️

THE MEDIA MOGUL

VC-Podcaster · $800M+ AUM · 125M+ Downloads

$800M+ AUM, 125M+ podcast downloads, 13+ unicorn investments. Started at 18 with a $50 mic. Invests in obsession, not business plans.

"Are you playing a game, or are you on a mission?"
🧮

THE BURN SURGEON

Financial Analyst VC · Unit Economics Obsessed

Wall Street research analyst turned VC. Wrote the industry standard on marketplace unit economics. Catches revenue slide inconsistencies in real-time mental math.

"Show me your unit economics on a per-cohort basis. If you can't produce that in 30 seconds, you don't understand your own business."
🔬

THE TECH HERETIC

Deep Tech Founder-Investor · Contrarian Technologist

Co-founded an industry-defining hardware company. 20+ years funding "impossible" technologies. Separates real AI innovation from GPT wrappers with surgical precision.

"Strip away the API calls. Strip away the UI. What have you built that did not exist before you?"
⚖️

THE REGULATORY HAWK

Fintech Risk Architect · Compliance-First Investor

15 years as a risk architect at a major financial institution. 6x Forbes Midas List. Backs regulated industries that most VCs avoid — because compliance is the moat.

"Walk me through your compliance stack. Not your tech stack — your compliance stack."
🌏

THE GLOBAL OPERATOR

Cross-Border VC · 16 Unicorns Across 3 Continents

Invested across US, China, Southeast Asia, and India for 20+ years. Backed 16 unicorns. Knows what PMF looks like across 4 billion people and 15 regulatory regimes.

"Your US market is 330M people. The market you're ignoring is 4 billion. Why?"
💀

THE GRAVEYARD KEEPER

Pattern-Recognition VC · 300+ Post-Mortems

500+ seed investments, 300+ dead. Post-mortemed every single failure. Doesn't invest in what will succeed — invests in what won't fail for the usual reasons.

"It's 18 months from now and your company is dead. What does the post-mortem email say?"
👁️

THE PEOPLE READER

Operator-VC · Wartime CEO Specialist

Ran a billion-dollar company through near-death experiences. Wrote the book on why startups fail. Created the Wartime CEO framework. Invests in founder psychology, not pitch decks.

"Tell me about the hardest people decision you've ever made. Not a product decision — a people decision."
The math

What you're actually
saving.

Every VC meeting costs you weeks of prep and thousands in opportunity cost. Here's the comparison nobody talks about.

The old way
$2,500+
per VC meeting attempt
  • 40–80 hrs deck prep (opportunity cost)
  • Cold outreach tools & data ($200+/mo)
  • 100 cold emails → 3–5 replies
  • 2–3 week wait per meeting
  • Feedback: none. Form rejection email.
  • YC acceptance rate: 1.5%
VS
ummactually.ai
$4.99
per full panel review
  • 3 AI personas review simultaneously
  • Results in ~45 seconds
  • Specific slide-by-slide feedback
  • Fundability score + fix recommendations
  • Shareable card for social proof
  • Fix before real VCs see it

* $4.99 early access = 10 panel reviews at launch. One coffee ☕ = 10X the value.

60 hours of prep.
$4.99 shortcut.

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